i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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