I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize