I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize