one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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