Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
