he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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