it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
