My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
