YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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