I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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