Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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