That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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