my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize