Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
