I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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