I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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