I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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