I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
