I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
im on a boat
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