My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
