She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
