Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
