Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
