thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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