i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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