Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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