porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
