He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
