please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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