Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
