I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize