I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize