Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize