Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize