Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
