You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
