That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
