Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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