Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
