just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
