someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
