i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
