someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
