I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
