i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
