I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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