Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
