I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
