sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
