Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
