Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
