Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I could make wine with my vomit
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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