This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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