If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
