Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Randomize
