I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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