he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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