I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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