Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
