I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
