..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
