wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
do nipples grow back?
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