he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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