i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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