I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
